How to Stop Performing for God: From 'Religious Rules' to Real Relationship - The House We Build Together

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Many of us didn't realize we were taught this, but at some point, we learned to view obedience as a transaction.

In our society, obedience often functions like a contract. You follow the rules to maintain your position. Pay your rent on time, adhere to the agreement, and you can stay. Break the rules, and you risk eviction.

So when we read a verse like John 14:23—“Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching”—we often interpret it the same way. We think Jesus means, “Follow the rules so the Father will remain.”

But that's not His message at all.

Jesus isn't a landlord looking for breaches. He's an architect, inviting growth.

In God's kingdom, obedience isn't rent paid to avoid eviction. It's the natural result of love in a secure relationship.

From Contract to Covenant

Consider someone you genuinely love.

When they express that something is important to them, you don’t act out of fear of repercussions. You respond because their feelings matter to you. Your obedience is not compelled—it’s relational. It’s love in action.

This is what Jesus refers to when He says obedience stems from love; He’s illustrating what occurs when a relationship is healthy. Not inflexible. Not transactional. Alive.

So if your spiritual life feels like constant rule-following—like you’re merely trying to avoid mistakes—take a moment to reflect: When did faith start feeling like an obligation rather than a relationship?

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The Renovation of the Heart

Jesus goes beyond mere obedience. He offers a promise that transforms everything:

“We will come to them and make our home with them.”

Not just a visit or a mere pass-through, but make a home.

Picture your life as a house....

There’s the front porch—the part of you that seems presentable, the version you display to the world. There’s the kitchen—the hub of activity, responsibility, and daily routines. And then there’s the basement. The rooms you avoid are filled with past wounds, hidden resentment, silent fear, and unresolved grief.

When we think of God “moving in,” many of us assume He’ll remain on the porch, smiling politely without touching anything.

But Jesus expresses His desire to live with you. And when someone makes a home, they don’t leave everything as it is. They begin rearranging—not to punish, but to create space. Sometimes obedience involves allowing God to point at a piece of furniture you’ve grown accustomed to and say, “This is occupying space meant for peace.”

I recall a time when God urged me toward an obedience that felt extremely uncomfortable—an apology I was reluctant to make because I felt justified. But once I finally surrendered and sent it, something changed. It was like fresh air rushing into a room that had been closed for years.

That’s what obedience does... it opens windows.

When We Don’t Know Where to Meet Him

Here’s the honest truth... many people don’t express openly! Having love for God doesn’t always mean you know how to follow Him—especially when life becomes painful, confusing, or overwhelming.

There have been times when I wanted to give God access to every part of my life, but I didn’t know where in Scripture to look for this phase of my journey.

Grief doesn’t come with a guide.

Parenting fears don’t come with instructions.

Burnout doesn’t announce itself clearly.

This is why I am passionate about the Personalized Devotionals here at inTENNtional. Sometimes we don’t need more information—we need guidance to find the right place. A passage in the Word that speaks directly to our current situation.

Not generic answers. Personal presence.

Why We Resist the Renovation

If obedience is beneficial, why do we oppose it?

Because deep down, we fear that God’s guidance might rob us of joy.

However, Scripture reveals something different: “My Father will love them.” Love is always the motivation. Consider a parent pulling a child away from a busy street.

The limitation isn’t harshness—it’s protection. The child might not yet see the truck, but the parent does.

God’s “no” is never about control. It’s always a rescue mission. When He says no to anxiety, He’s saying yes to peace. When He says no to bitterness, He’s saying yes to freedom. When He says no to hiding, He’s saying yes to healing.

What if the command you’ve been avoiding isn’t punishment—but protection?

Living Like Someone Who Is Home

The aim of the Christian life isn’t perfect obedience. It’s belonging. It’s about becoming someone who is so comfortable with God that obedience feels less like a duty and more like a shared experience. Like choosing love repeatedly, even when it comes at a cost.

If your faith has been feeling stagnant lately—if you love God but are weary of trying to force things—there’s nothing wrong with you. You might simply be ready for a more personal way to connect with Him.

There’s no rush. No pressure. Just an open invitation. Jesus isn’t waiting outside your heart with a checklist. He’s there with a suitcase. Obedience is simply reaching for the doorknob.

Want to Sit With This More?

If this message stirred something in you—if you’re realizing there may be rooms of your heart that need gentle attention—I want to offer you a place to explore that safely.

Free 5-Day Devotional

This free devotional is designed to help you slow down, reflect, and invite God into the real spaces of your life—without pressure, performance, or fear

Free 5-day Devotional

You’re not paying rent anymore. You’re learning how to live at home.